The Greek Philosopher Epictetus wrote, “It’s not what happens to you. It’s how you react to it that matters.”
Often times people think the defining moment of change is the event, like divorce. That’s far from the truth. The defining moment, rather, moments go much further past the event and last for the rest of your life. I believe that’s what Epictetus meant by his quote.
How are you going to react to divorce?
Change is a good thing. Change is even more powerful when it is done right. There are certain aspects of change that need to take place in order for the change to be lasting and positive. Two tools that we teach in The Divorce Men’s Network meetings are PREVIAL and MOVEFRWD.
- PREVAIL are seven strategies scientifically proven to improve your mental well-being and lead you to happiness faster. P – find Peace (meditation, silence), R –relaxation (finding a hobby), E – Exercise, V – Volunteerism, A – Allies (like-minded friends) and L – Limits (Boundaries to help you heal).
- MOVEFRWD is a change model to help bring structure to change – structure creates a simple roadmap for changing. M – Mission (define yourself), O- keep your mission about Outside yourself (about helping others), V – Visualize yourself completing your mission, E – Exercise (to keep your head in the right frame of mind), F – Friends (to hold you accountable), R – Repeat your mission often, W – Want or desire to achieve your mission, D – Deiberate (be planned and deliberate in your actions).
Additionally, during our September 21st meeting, we features change agent Peggy Carlson of Peggy Connects. She is an expert at helping people create inexpensive change, many times in their home. This is critical because creating positive change in your home is a visual reminder of your change and aids in repeating your mission.
A few highlights of our meeting with Peggy are:
- What happens when your ex takes most things? It’s a great opportunity to start over and have things chosen by you. A few inexpensive places to get household items are Goodwill, Savers, garage sales or flea markets.
- Often times when you keep the home after divorce it still does not feel like your home. You don’t have to totally redecorate, rather it could just be a simple change like buying new sheets for your bed. Don’t spend a lot to create the change you need.
- A visual change is powerful because it reinforces the mental change. Select one area of your home and make it your own. Then slowly change other areas as you have time or money.
- You can also make a change through a personal statement, like buying a bike. For some, that might mean buying a Harley. For me, it was buying a 12-speed Fuji bike with all the fix’ins.
- When social circles are lost, this is an excellent time to take the opportunity to create personal change by finding and creating a whole new circle of like-minded people that will take your life into a different direction. For me, I started attending entrepreneur classes, improvisation classes and social events from various meetup groups
There is so much benefit to our meetings: connecting with like-minded men, gaining ideas and sharing stories, learning from experts. Look out for our next meeting and attend one, don’t be too afraid as it may change your life for the better.